Me and Erik

Me and Erik

Sunday, November 14, 2010

An Update is Here!

I have had a couple of requests to update my blog and I know I've been slacking so here it goes. I was supposed to have my ultrasound at 7 weeks. Time was going so slow to wait that 2 weeks from the bloodwork appointment until the 1st ultrasound. I was anxious, scared and nervous but tried not to think about it. The weekend before my ultrasound I started to have a little bit of spotting. I got extremely nervous so I called my doctor and they said everything was fine, but if I wanted peace of mind for the weekend I could come in, so I did. I was only 6 weeks and 1 day so we weren't sure if we would be able to see the heartbeat and I knew I wouldn't rest till I could so I prayed that God would allow us to be able to see the hearbeat. We went in and not only did we see one heartbeat but we saw two! They were so strong we able to hear them both (95 beats a minute, a tiny bit low but then again most can't hear it that early). We were so excited and I was relieved.

Although we were happy it seemed that we both should have been more ecstatic than we seemed, we both had our guard up. It was still early and we have had our heartbreak before so it was hard to get too excited. We told our family that we were having twins but decided to wait after our scheduled ultrasound to share with everyone else.

My uncle died that following Monday. My whole family came back to Iowa that week. It was a tough week but it was nice to see all the extended family. My mom and sisters were able to go with me to my 2nd ultrasound. Before I went I prayed and asked God that their heartbeats would be a lot stronger then the week before. I was a little worried about it so I asked Him that they would be at least 120 BPM. Once again we saw two babies heartbeats. At that time they were the size of a grain of rice but had a heartbeat, isn't that amazing? Once again not only could we hear them but they were strong heartbeats. Baby A's was 122 and Baby B's was 145. It was neat to be able to have my sisters and my mom with me and I think they were very excited too.

My next ultrasound was scheduled for 2 weeks later. Again I started spotting a week later and naturally worried again. I knew in my head everything was fine and they told me with twins I would probably have more cramping and spotting as my uterus would grow more than average, but of course I needed peace of mind. This brings us to last Friday I went in again for another ultrasound at 8 weeks 1 day. They were so much bigger and had strong heartbeats. Baby A's was 170 BPM and Baby B's was 168 BPM. We were supposed to have another ultrasound next week but the doctor said we are ready to graduate to an OB doctor now. God is so good and I am so thankful. I make it a point to pray to Him everyday and thank him for blessing us with two babies.

Not only are the babies doing well but I am doing good as well. Both Erik and I are more at peace and more excited everyday. We've talked about names and Erik even texts me how the babies were growing this week. ha I haven't had any morning sickness which God probably knew is my weakness and may keep me from work and well, no work no pay. But in return my face is a mess with red dots but I will take that over nausea. :) I have been craving fruity chewy candy pretty bad. Chewy Jolly Ranchers are hitting the spot pretty well. Starburst are good too! I've been a little more tired then usual but not anything horrible (I went to bed at 7:15 one day this week).

I am so thankful for all of you and your prayers. Please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy and healthy babies. Also pray that I am able to carry to term and they are big enough to where they won't have to stay in the hospital long. I know many times twins come early so I am really praying that I can carry them as long as possible no matter how uncomfortable I get. :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I am almost 6 weeks along and will have my ultrasound next week. I am very excited and anxious. This morning I was having one of those anxious times. I am close to the time I had my miscarriage a year and a half ago and I couldn't get it off my mind. So I went upstairs and prayed and God gave me such a peace. I am feeling so much better.
I've been feeling pretty good so far. Last night I was able to stay up till 9:00. I had been going to bed between 7:00 and 8:00. Sunday I felt queasy all day but other then that for the most part been feeling pretty good.
I still thank God everyday for this blessing He has given to us. I am so so thankful to Him. I am also so thankful for those of you who are still praying. I ask that you still pray just as hard for a healthy pregnancy and that I will continue to feel peace. I would really appreciate that. Also pray that the ultrasound next week goes well and everything looks good.
God is good!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

He is a rewarder if them that diligently seek Him.

I know alot of you have been anxiously awaiting an update. God has answered our prayers and I am pregnant. I went in on Sunday to have labs done. They like to see anything over 100 and mine was 535. Which is good. Then I went back in today to make sure they were going up and they were 1500. Dr. Cooper called me to let me know and congratulated me.
We are very excited. I have been praying and thanking God ever since. He has been so evident through all of this. I have never seen Him so clearly.
Thank you all so much for praying. I know that is the reason this worked and went smoothly. This whole infertility thing is very hard to go through and I can't imagine how people do it without a faith in God.
I ask that you continue to pray just as hard for a healthy full term baby (or babies). I have an ultrasound scheduled for Nov. 4th to make sure everything is still good and to see how many are in there. :) Please don't forget to pray. I am so excited but still cautious.
Again I cannot thank you all enough for your prayers. You will never know how much we appreciate it. Like I've said many times it feels as if the pressure wasn't all on my shoulders and I had other people talking to God for me.
I will keep you updated after the ultrasound to see what that says. Did I mention I'm pregnant?!?! God is so good!

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Ok this won't be long because I am sick and want to go back to bed but I thought I'd update everyone since I haven't been keeping up.
Out of the 6 eggs that were fertilized only 3 made it to Tuesday, the day of my transfer. The 2 they put back in they said looked great and were "text book" embryos. It took literally 3 minutes to put back in then I had to lay there for a half hour.
The nurse had warned me that my bloating could get worse after this. And yes it did! I look like I'm 3 months pregnant and on top of that I am so nauseated. I haven't been sleeping well at night because I am so uncomfortable and sick. Last night though was a little better and the nurse prescribed me some nausea medicine that seems to help a tad.
They say to get the bloating down I am supposed to drink lots and lots of gatorade. Which I am but it's hard to eat or drink in large amounts when you feel so bloated and that nothing will fit into your stomach. But like I said I am feeling a little better today and am so thankful for that.
Please pray that this will work and these 2 babies are growing inside of me. Also pray that I feel a little better. I don't handle nausea well and the bloating is very uncomfortable. I know in the end it will all be worth it. :)

Friday, October 1, 2010

Fertilized Eggs

I got a call today and out of the 25 eggs, 16 were able to be injected and only 6 were fertilized. At first I was a bit disappointed but I think I was getting a bit greedy. I had alot more eggs then normal and because of that I expected to have all these eggs fertilized. Having 6 eggs is actually average and a good thing. We only need one to take. We will go in on Tuesday to have the transferred. Please pray this takes the first try. God has worked everything out perfectly thus far and I know he will continue to be there.
Tonight I start my progesterone shots. These, I hear, are not fun. They go in my hip/butt and are intramuscular (longer needle). They have to be done at the same time each day which makes it hard because of Erik's work schedule.
Well that's all I have for today. I will keep you updated. Please pray that all 6 eggs do well and continue to do well.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Eggs are out! :)

So we went in to the clinic at 7:45 to have my eggs removed. Of course upon arrival I got to get in the cute outfit of a gown, feet covers and the stylish hair net. Then they did the usual, blood pressure, temperature, and an IV to give me fluids. Then they gave me the first round of sedation and expected me to walk to the room where the procedure would be done. That was probably entertaining...I couldn't walk straight. ha After I was in the room they gave me another round of sedation and they got started. I can sort of remember a little bit of a pinching feeling throughout the procedure but not much else.
After I got back to the recovery room (which I cannot remember at all), I noticed I was in a bit of pain. So she gave me some pain meds in my IV and sent Erik to Walgreens to pick up some more pain meds. I felt ok while laying down but the minute I had to get up to get dressed it hurt quite a bit. Luckily, the pain meds kicked in on the way home.
Good news is they got 30 eggs and I think 25 they were going to try to fertilize. The other 5 weren't ready. They will call tomorrow to let us know how many were fertilized and I will go in on Tuesday for them to be put back in. So far this is good news.
Bad news, I start the progesterone shots tomorrow which go in my hip/butt and they are the long needles. I'm very very scared. They have to be given the same time everyday so with Erik's work schedule we need to come up with a plan.
We are near the end and I need your prayers more then ever. I know this has all gone as smooth as it can because of your prayers. I really feel like I am not alone and like I've said before it feels like I don't have to carry this load alone. You will never know how much I am thankful.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

God is good (quick update)

So a quick update. I went in to get labs done today to check my levels. I was praying that they would go down a little bit to show progress. I was fully expecting to do another round of the acetate injection to keep lowering my levels.
I think they knew I was really anxious about it so I got a call an hour and a half after my lab draw this morning letting me know my numbers were good and we could go ahead and trigger tonight. I know that was all God. I prayed in my room for an hour yesterday and I know more people were too. I am so thankful to have a God who answers prayer.
So we will do 2 trigger injections at 9:00 tonight and I will stop all other drugs except baby aspirin. Then tomorrow start the antibiotics again and then go in Thursday morning to retrieve my eggs.
Please continue to pray everything goes well and we get alot of eggs fertilized on Thursday. Good news is that I have alot of follicles (around 20 in just one ovary). I again appreciate all the prayers.

Monday, September 27, 2010

And the Rollercoaster Starts

As I posted before, on Friday had blood work and an ultrasound and my estradiol levels were 2,000, which isn't bad yet but a little higher then they wanted so we cut out Follistim all together. I also had to go in for blood work and an ultrasound on Sunday and again today. Well my eggs are large enough to be taken out but my estradiol levels are now at 9,000 putting me at huge risk for OHSS. The nurse called and said to decrease my meds and then to take Ganirlex Acetate Injection instead of the Lupron. I guess this is to drastically decrease my estradiol levels while keeping me from ovluating. The nurse seemed to think that after a day or two of this injection my numbers will come down enough for us to then schedule egg retrieval.
I heard this process is full of highs and lows and until now things have been going well so I guess this is when the rollercoaster ride starts. I am anxious and just pray that this injection works and my numbers will go low enough to retrieve my eggs.
Please keep us in your prayers. Of course my mind goes to worst case scenario thinking it will be cancelled if my numbers don't get low enough. I need to keep faith in God.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Prayer Request

Just a quick prayer request because I am feeling anxious although I know it will be fine. My labs (E2) came back at 2,000 which is fine but they do not want them to go above 5,000 so they took me off my Follistim starting tomorrow morning. I also will go back in Sunday for more lab work and another ultrasound. Everything else is looking perfect. They said if it gets too high they will stop all medication and "coast" till my levels get below 5,000. The doctor said he only had to cancel once and that was because the girl was in the hospital with bad OHSS (over hyperstimulation) . I only should have a few more days before I have to do the Trigger shot and they take my eggs. So I don't have much longer. So hopefully being off the Follistim will help my levels to stay within range.
So just pray that the levels don't get too high. Pray hard!! Thanks so much!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Getting closer

This won't be a long post just wanted to quickly update where I am at in the process. I am still taking my Lupron injection every evening. I've been doing that for for about 2 weeks now and I am a pro at injecting myself. :) I also finished my antibiotics a couple of weeks ago. It was a relief to be done with those. I was so sick. As soon as I finished those I felt great and back to normal.
This morning I started my Follistim injection. I was originally supposed to do 150 IU a day but during last visit to the doctor they said everything looked great and I already had a good amount of egg sacs on my ovaries so they lowered my Follistim to 75 IU so that I don't overstimulate. I have to to it around the same time every morning. I work at 6:30am on Thurs and Fri and so I decided I would do the shot around 7:00 am that way on Thurs morning I would just do it an hour earlier. This morning I didn't have to work so I set my alarm to give myself the shot and go back to bed. That's always a good way to wake up..ha!
Tonight I will continue with the Lupron and add the Repronex injection. This will make 3 injections a day. They really aren't bad though.
This week I have an ultrasound and labs on Wednesday and Friday. Then next week if all looks good they will take the eggs from me and fertilize them then they will be put back in 5 days later. We are getting so close and I can't wait!
Please keep praying. Pray hard!! We are nearing the end of all of this and I am getting a little more anxious. Thanks again for all of your prayers they are so appreciated.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Alot on my mind this week

I've been thinking about the purpose of my blog and realize I haven't been doing what I wanted to do. I guess the main purpose was to keep family and friends updated on the process so they would know better how to pray but also to maybe help others who may be going through a similar struggle. I have realized that, yes, I've been giving all the facts but am leaving out alot of the emotional aspect of it. I struggle with this all the time. I hate to be the one who's sad or depressed or upset. My friends can attest to this. I feel like majority of my life I am the "strong" one or the "peacemaker". I am the one who listens and helps people with their problems so much so that my friends have dubbed me "Dr. Phil" or "Mom". So apart of me feels like if I breakdown who will hold us all up? Stupid, I know...I am not so awesome that everyone depends on me for their world to go round but for some reason I have a hard time opening up in a vulnerable way. I would rather feel any other emotion then sadness. I just hate to be sad and try to avoid thinking or feeling sadness. I say all this because I want anyone reading this who is going through this or have a friend/family who is going through this to know everything involved in this process.
I know everyone is different but I have noticed myself disconnecting with everyone and everything. I feel like if I could just hibernate till this is all over that would be great. It's the feels like you can't take a complete deep breath until it's over. I just really want this to work.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. I just want to be honest on how I've been feeling so people can know better how to pray for us and also to help others. I will say this, I am thankful for the trials in my life. Now obviously if I had a choice I wouldn't choose this for me or anyone but unfortunately life isn't perfect. I really hate the saying "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Define good. We are all sinners we are not perfect and yes sin has entered the world and to think we deserve this perfect life and God must not love us if we have to deal with this is crazy to me. I believe that there might be many reasons for trials but I believe God allows them to make us stronger or to draw us closer to Him. James 1:2-4, "My brethern count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." This is exactly what I am going through I'm going through a trial that is teaching me patience.
I also tell Erik all the time that I am thankful for the trials God has put in our lives because I couldn't imagine going through some of the things that others have to go through. I know that no one's life is perfect and there will always be trials. I have had and do have a great life. I had a near perfect childhood. I got to be a kid! I had great parents who loved us and were involved in every aspect of our lives. We never went without or struggled for anything at least not that I was aware of. We lived in a happy home where we barely heard our parents fight and if they did there was never screaming and yelling let alone violence. I finished highschool and college without anything much going wrong (no deaths, no illnesses ...) I got married to my highschool sweetheart who has spoiled me from day one and I don't deserve him. We both have steady jobs and a nice house and yes money is tight but we don't struggle to pay our bills or to put food on the table (or in my case to get food through a drive up window) ha. I have sisters who are my best friends, a brother I adore, and parents who I respect. So if this is the thing I go through I am so thankful!! I have an uncle struggling with cancer, friends of friends who lost their 4 months old to SIDS, I have a friend who's dad has incurable brain cancer. I can't even begin to imagine going through any of that and I thank God for my trials!!
I know that God wants us happy, even more then my family wants me happy God wants that much more for me. So I know He has a plan. I am thankful He has allowed the means for us to go through with IVF and I am hopeful this will all work. I know we will be blessed and I am so excited.
I'm sorry if this sounds all over the place. In all fairness I did warn you the very first blog that I am not good at writing. I just wanted to let you know some of my thoughts I've been having this week. Again, keep us in your prayers, and also if you could pray for the others I mentioned in this blog that are also going through trials.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

And we begin...

Vacation was great! It was hot every single day and didn't rain once. I love the heat! We layed by the pool every day all day, except one day we did go to Disney World. Disney World was fun and luckily we didn't wait in line more then 10 minutes for anything, in fact, most rides we just walked right on. It was nice to be with my sister for a whole week, although we talk for hours everyday, we hadn't seen each other since Christmas.

Well we are on our way in this IVF process. Sunday both Erik and I started our antibiotics twice a day. I take two antibiotics and he takes one. One of the side effects of the antibiotics is nausea and let me tell you I was nauseated all last night and this morning.

Last night I started the Lupron shot. I was sort of anxious about it for the last few days and more so yesterday morning but not too bad at all. But the minute I uncapped the needle I kind of freaked out more then I thought I would. I wasn't so worried about the pain but more like sticking the needle into my skin. My friend, Joy was over (Erik was working) and we probably looked hilarious. I was holding the needle saying, "I can't do this, I can't do this!" and she was yelling "Do it!! Just do it!!" This went on for at least 5 minutes. Our sliding door was open and our neighbors were probably like what in the world is going on in there. ha ha I finally just pushed the needle into my stomach and honestly I didn't feel a thing. Like Sarah B. told me it wasn't bad at all. It was more the anxiety of getting the first one over with. Tonight should be smooth sailing.....hopefully.

Again the only side effects I am feeling at this point is a little nausea and lack of appetite. For those who know me know I am terrible with nausea but luckily it hasn't been too bad.

I am just looking forward to all of this being over. It should go by pretty fast. Just 4 more weeks and it will all be over....well...hopefully not ALL be over but the medications and constant ultrasounds and lab work.

Thanks for your continued prayers. I can't express enough how thankful I am that I have many people praying, it feels like it takes some of the weight off my shoulders.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Bit Overwhelmed

Here is a link to my IVF calendar.

Well, I finally feel as if we are really starting our IVF process. We've talked about it for so long that is seems strange that it's actually here. The first step is being on a birth control pill for 20 days. I started the pill at the beginning of the week. We also had our IVF class on Tuesday. We were in class with about 5 other couples. I'll be honest, it was a bit overwhelming. There was a ton of information thrown at us and at times it was hard to keep up. Although they will continue to send us reminders throughout the process on what I have to do for that day. At this point it is tough to look ahead and not be overwhelmed, so I have decided to just take it day by day.

The thing I am most nervous about is giving myself the shots. It's hard for me to imagine sticking a needle into my skin. Luckily most of them are given subcutaneously, meaning just under the skin,and the needles are pretty short. I have the option of giving those shots in my stomach or my thigh. Tara and I have talked about which one we would prefer to give ourselves the shot. Tara said thigh, I said stomach. The biggest thing is that I have to squeeze fat to put the shot into. My stomach seems to be the better option for that. :) There is one shot not listed on my calendar that will be given intramuscularly, in the muscle, and is a much longer needle. That one I will have Erik give me in the hip. That one is 2 shots just given one day before they go and retrieve my eggs. It's what is referred to as the "Trigger Shot".

I attached the link to my calendar of this whole process. Although it may bore most of you I will give a more detailed list of the whole process later this week because some people may be interested. For now I am tired and off to bed.

Please keep praying for us. Again this is a bit overwhelming for us both emotionally and financially. God is good and it's apparent how much He's been with us every step thus far.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

And the lesson in trusting God begins

Summer is almost gone and there seems to be alot of things that will be happening. I leave on vacation with my sister and her family on August 29th. I am so excited and need a vacation! School will be starting back up and I will be back to subbing. And even though I will miss my summer work hours I can't wait to go back and see the kids. I really love my job as a substitute teacher. I miss the kids and their hugs in the morning. :) And then next month I will officially start the IVF process.
But let's go back to my summer hours. During the summer I work 2 1/2 days at a doctors office in Clive. I love being able to have days off work this summer. Last week I was enjoying a Tuesday afternoon off and thought a nap would feel great. I had been in bed no longer then 10 min when my phone rang. It was Dr. Cooper from the fertility clinic. Well you know that lab work I wasn't worried about and in fact blogged that I was "obviously not worried about"? Dr. Cooper was calling me to let me know that my Hep C antibody lab came back positive. I didn't even know what to say. All I could get out was "Really??" He continued to tell me I would have to go to a GI doctor to get a work up. He said he would have his nurse schedule this and we hung up. I literally couldn't talk. I had to call him back 5 min later to ask more questions once I understood what he said. Hep C would not only throw a wrench in the IVF plans which was at the time concerning me the most but working at a GI clinic I know it's not something anyone would want to live with. It can be very serious and the treatment can also be a rough road and is not always curable. I could not imagine how I would have gotten this. Some of the risk factors for having Hep C is a blood transfusion before 1992, shared drug needles, tattoos (usually prison tattoos), it can also be transmitted sexually. I did not have any of these risk factors so unless some crazy doctor used a dirty needle on me or I somehow touched someones blood who was infected I was at a loss. I was so scared. I just instantly started bawling and did not stop all night. I couldn't sleep, could barely eat.
I quickly called the nurse practitioner I work for that deals with Hep C and other liver issues. She said to have them fax over the labs and we would go from there. I went into work the next day gave her the labs and she gave me a lab order to have labs done again. I went and had them done that second. I was scared and nervous waiting for the results all the while trying to trust God. The next day they came back and were negative, not detected. Thank goodness!!! It felt like a huge weight off my shoulders...I could breathe..and eat again. :)
I honestly think God is starting me now in trusting him through this whole process because things are just going to get tougher. He's warming me up. It's hard to feel not in control but this process will be the ultimate test in giving up control and putting it in the hands of God first and then the doctors.
Did I mention I'm going on vacation in a couple of weeks?? Yes, definitely needed. :) ha

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Today I went in to do all my pre-screening test, the sonogram and IVF labs. It had been awhile since I went to the clinic by myself but Erik had to work. For some reason I was a little nervous. Doctor's offices tend to make me feel uneasy.

They called me in to get my labs then I went back to the waiting room to wait for the sonogram. I went into the room she gave me quick directions then I got ready and laid on the table. Of course this couldn't be easy. They had to use 3 different....I don't know what they are called... torture clamps (the metal tool to open your cervix). Sorry if this is too much information but this is what happened. ha ha It took them what seemed forever to find the opening to my cervix all the while they think they can twist and turn this metal object as if they had all the space in the world. Um..ouch!

Finally they got everything in place and put a catheter there so they can shoot a saline solution into the uterus to check for cyst and other abnormalities. Everything was perfect.

Now for the embarrassing part. They told me when I sat up all the saline fluid would obviously drain out. I sat up and it did. No big deal. They left the room I got dressed, started to walk out and well...suddenly there was a second gush of water and my pants were soaked. Excuse me....what just happened??? I thought I had waited for all of that to be over and was ready to walk...I guess not. I now look ridiculous, there is no hiding this. I'm praying I don't see anyone. Luckily no one was in the hall on my way out to the waiting I walked through the hallway I prayed no one would be in the waiting room. Not only were there people in the waiting room, they were sitting at an angle where I was in their direct vision as I walked all the way out the doors. They probably thought I was nuts, I bolted out that door so fast! There was no hiding that my jean were soaked and it looked like I had an accident. So embarrassing! But what can you do? ha

I'm glad everything was perfect and we have the thumbs up to start the IVF process. We have class on Aug. 24th, vacation Aug. 29th-Sept. 5th, and then it all begins. I try not to think about it and just take one day at a time.

We are so excited yet very anxious for everything that goes into this financially and emotionally. Keep us in your prayers.

Monday, August 2, 2010


We had a good weekend. Erik's brother, Ehren, and his girlfriend came to visit us yesterday and we had a good time. Erik, of course, had to work Saturday but we were able to make it to a late dinner together. We try to squeeze as much time together on the weekends as we can. He's been working 4 nights a week on top of his normal 40 hours at John Deere Credit. I am so thankful though. It's hard that he's gone working so much but I know he does it so that we can "afford" these treatments. I appreciate him more then he will ever know.
We had an appointment to meet with our doctor a little over a week ago now. At this appointment he gave us a quick overview of in vitro. He told us medically speaking that this was our next and best option. He was waiting for us to come to this decision since it's not right for everyone and you have to be ready to do it. He was very encouraging saying that he thought because of our age and history he was fairly confident that this would work. Also Mid-Iowa Fertility's success rates for in vitro our higher then average. I think average success rates are around 55% and Mid-Iowa Fertility is in the somewhere in the mid 60's %. He said one of the risk is that I could over stimulate (meaning cysts and extra fluid) but that he said he has only needed to cancel IVF one time because of this.
I can give you a quick overview but will know more after we take the IVF class. First you have to do some pre-screening tests which luckily I've already done most of them. I have an appointment on Wednesday for a Sonogram and some standard labs. The sonogram is to check for any abnormalities in the uterus. I have already had X-rays which show that should be all normal. Then the labs they have to take to make sure I don't have Hepatitis and HIV which obviously I am not worried about. :)
Then because I leave on vacation August 29th, I have to wait till I get back to start the process. I guess when I get back I have to be on birth control for 20 days. I guess this is supposed to get all of the follicles grouped together to produce eggs at the same time...I dont' really know but he said something like that. :) Then I have to give myself a couple of shots a day. I am not going to lie, this freaks me out. I hate shots!! Giving blood is different...but when they shoot something into me, that's a whole different story. It's even scarier knowing either I or Erik will have to give them to me and neither of us are a trained professional. ha ha Then I will have to be put under and they go retrieve the eggs and fertilize them that day and 5 days after that he will put them back in me. He said because of my age, as long as they are good eggs, he will put 1 or 2 back in. He will leave that decision to us. We will have our class soon on IVF so if there is anymore information I will let you know after that.
I know although this seems that the doctor is in control of all of this I know that ultimately God is. I am thankful He gives doctors the knowledge and skill to do this.
Please pray that this will work. This is the last option and I am so scared to think what will happen if this doesn't work. Again, I know God is in control and His will will be done regardless but it is still scary to think about. Thank you for praying for us during this time. It's comforting to know that alot of people are speaking to God on our behalf. How humbling!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

PS--A little more background

I was trying to rush through the first blog that I forgot to give a little background on what the doctors have said about our infertility.
Erik and I fall under the catagory of unexplained. When I first went to the OB doctor they thought my progesterone levels (showing ovulation) could be up a little higher..they were normal and showed I was ovulating but she went ahead and gave me clomid (a drug to stimulate ovulation). I tried that for 6 months and nothing.
We then went to our fertility doctor. He again put me on clomid and we did 4 rounds of IUI (artificial insemination) and again nothing. Then we decided to take a break and save up some money since it was starting to drain our savings (Insurance doesn't pay a cent). So last summer when we were on a break I actually found out I was pregnant. We were SO excited and couldn't believe it. After 4 years of trying we were finally going to have a baby! We sat in what we thought would be the baby's room and just talked about how thrilled we were and all of our future plans. But at 6 1/2 weeks we lost the baby. It was the most devestating thing I've been through.
We finally went back to the fertility clinic in Feb. of this year. We tried a new drug, Femara, then did 3 more rounds of IUI. Nothing!
At this point financially we can't keep doing all of these "small" things that aren't working. It adds up. So yes in vitro is extremely expensive but also has the highest chance of working and after talking to my doctor he feels pretty confident that this will work the first time. So here we are.
Now I think everyone should be all caught up. :) Again keep praying for us!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Anxious, Thankful, and Humbled

I thought I would start this blog so I can write about my feelings and my journey of infertility so that my family and close friends can keep updated. I am by no means a good writer but I will try. This is mainly Tara's idea so I blame her. ha
I don't even know where to begin. I have always wanted to be a mother. It is just a part of me. If you were to ask my sisters and even my friends...I am the "mom". The plan was to finish college, get married, then wait a year or two and then have kids. Simple, right? Wrong!! I never thought in a million years I would struggle to have kids. I didn't even realize infertility problems were so common.
Erik and I started to try for a family the spring of 2005. Long story short after a year of trying we started our journey with many doctors appointments, procedures, and even surgeries. It has been a rough road. Most of the time I have never felt so alone. It was rough to see what seemed like everyone getting pregant. Although I was so happy for them it also stung. I cried almost every month I found out we still weren't pregnant. Of course I wouldn't let anyone see me cry..Erik occasionally. The way I used to describe the pain to Erik was as if someone really close to you had died. The doctor later told that they compare the stress of infertility with the stress that comes with going through cancer. I believe it!! Each time though I tried not to lose faith in God. I tried to cling to Him. Although if I am being honest there were a couple of times I would be crying and litereally cry out loud saying "I am mad at you God!" I know that sounds horrible but at the time that's how I felt. I know rationally that He wants me to be happy and would never withold something just to cause hurt and anger. I know He has chosen me to go through this to strengthen me and to possibly help others. I try to keep that my focus. He picked ME! He picked me to make me stronger and and draw me closer to Him.
All this to say I will start in vitro soon. It wasn't even on my radar since it is extremely expensive! I got a call from my sister Tara awhile ago. She told me that many people in my family were wanting to help make this procedure possible. I didn't and still don't know what to say. I am extremely thankful and humbled. I can't even put into words how thankful I am to have such a loving and giving family. I am especially thankful to Tara. She has kind of taken over the "battle" part of infertility. She researches everything...knows EVERYTHING it seems about infertility and is so encourging. I can sit back and do what I have to. I let her deal with all the details. ha I have to say Erik has been great this year. I haven't mentioned him but he has been supportive of whatever I wanted to do. He works 2 jobs so that some of this can be possible. I love him and am thankful to have a great husband!
Next week I will start the pre-screening test. Just a sonogram and some labs. Then we have to take a class giving us all the nuts and bolts of the procedure.
Keep us in your prayers. I hear this procedure is an emotional rollercoster. I know that God may have different plans for me all together, but right now this is where He is seeming to lead.
So....that was my introduction and background. I promise I won't ramble everytime, I will just keep you updated.